(Five Because) Movies That Are Completely Bonkers

The most recent Pure Cinema Podcast was about mind-meltingly bonkers movies. There are a lot of ways to go with this, but here are my "five because."

RUBBER (2010) (trailer)

Most of this movie is a classic slasher setup, except that the killer in this case is a rubber tire. That's not a euphemism. An actual rubber tire. We see it come to life, learn how to roll, and eventually learn that it can destroy things -- first by rolling over them and crushing them, then when it encounters larger objects and even humans, by psychically causing them to explode. There aren't many things I love more than when a filmmaker gets some harebrained idea and commits to it utterly and completely, and this is absolutely one of those movies. I'm not as in love with the framing device of the in-universe "audience" watching the proceedings from afar (though it does give us the line "Hey, wait! It's not the end! He's been reincarnated as a tricycle!" aka one of my favorite lines of dialogue EVER), but director Quentin Dupieux made a story about a serial killer rubber tire WAY more compelling than it has any right to be. (available to rent on Amazon)

THE BABY (1973) (trailer)

This movie only could have been made in the 1970s. A social worker begins working with "Baby" -- a physically grown male who is kept in a large crib and wears a diaper. He supposedly suffers from a developmental disorder, but we eventually learn that his mother and sisters have been doing this to him -- perversely denying him even the most basic conditioning and development. They torture him to discourage him from attempting to stand, walk and talk, keeping him in a perpetual infantile state (Baby's "dialogue" is even dubbed by an actual cooing infant - GAH). And one of his sisters (played by Messiah of Evil's Marianna Hill) occasionally sneaks into his room at night for ... you know, we're not shown exactly what, and I'm pretty thankful for that, but it doesn't take much guesswork. The social worker, it turns out, has designs of her own, and the climax, while admittedly batshit insane, actually makes sense and does a good job of tying everything together. (available to rent on Amazon)

FATEFUL FINDINGS (2012) (trailer)

A master class in what a friend of mine calls "anti-timing" (what is the exact wrong moment to cut? what is the exact wrong time to deliver a line, and the exact wrong line to deliver?), this movie is the work of Neil Breen, former Las Vegas real estate agent and architect turned auteur. In addition to producing, writing, directing and editing the film, Breen stars as Dylan, a man who is imbued with supernatural powers after finding a mysterious rock as a child and who uses his hacking skills to uncover "secret government and corporate secrets." This movie contains several "love" scenes between people who clearly don't want to touch each other, an amazing scene in which Breen's character tearfully tells his friend who's just apparently committed suicide that he can't get him out of this jam, and a climax in which a number of generic "corporate types" in power suits take their lives in various ways after having their secrets exposed (though the film never troubles itself with exactly what those secrets are). I know a lot of people don't have much patience for movies like this, made by people who are not "real filmmakers" and don't have any level of fluency in cinematic language. But I'm fascinated by people like Breen who have a dream and just go for it, not caring what anyone else thinks or even if they know what they're doing. And I kind of love getting a peek into Breen's mind and trying to piece together what he's trying to say. #NOMOREBOOKS (available to rent on YouTube)

HAUSU (1977) (trailer)

Save us, Kung-Fu! One of the best entries in the "fantasy horror" subgenre, Hausu is absolutely bazonkers and the kind of stew you'd get if you put together "Pee Wee's Playhouse," The Shining, Suspiria, The Grudge and the boat ride scene from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Director Nobuhiko Obayashi, who prior to this was best known for his TV ads (including the Charles Bronson-starring Mandom commercials), was inspired by his young daughter's descriptions of her strange dreams to create this wackadoo film about a group of girls who go to a house for the summer and who each meet their untimely demise when the house "eats" them in various and utterly insane ways (one girl is literally eaten by a piano). There are no male heroes to save the day here; the few male characters in the movie are all ineffectual and have little or no impact on the story -- though they contribute to the overall hysteria. The closest thing to a "masculine hero" in the movie gets his butt stuck in a bucket and ultimately is turned into -- I'm not kidding -- a giant, roughly man-shaped pile of bananas. BANANAS. (streaming on FilmStruck)

GOODBYE UNCLE TOM (1971) (trailer - NSFW)

(Apologies for the somewhat nondescript screenshot; Google Image search for this movie is a LANDMINE.)

The other four movies on this list are "fun" bonkers. This one is utterly outrageous in a very different way and not fun at all. Nevertheless, it's horrifyingly compelling and I suspect pretty historically accurate (the last 10 minutes or so notwithstanding). If you liked 12 Years a Slave but didn't think it went quite far enough to show the atrocities of slavery in America, check out this film and afterwards go punch a Confederate flag-waving alt-righter in the face (bonus points for screaming "BECAUSE YOU'RE WHITE" like the guy at the end of this movie). Perhaps the most bonkers thing about this movie is how it was made. The filmmakers, Franco Prosperi and Gaultiero Jacopetti, were mostly known for shockumentaries like Mondo Cane and Addio Africa, and turned their documentarists' eyes toward the American slave trade, shooting the movie as if they had gone back in time (seriously!) to the antebellum South and were just filming what was going on in front of them. Meaning that they staged (with underpaid Haitian actors) the most degrading, humiliating acts of oppression imaginable as if they were current events. From the opening scene, where a black child is fed scraps under the dinner table as if he were a dog, to a scene near the end of the film, where a young slave girl "offers herself" to one of the filmmakers (saying that she prefers white men because they're "smaller"), this movie is Off. The. Charts. And just when you think it can't get crazier, the present-day (1970s) coda pushes it right over the edge. (available to rent on Amazon and iTunes, if you dare -- be sure to get the English version)

Five (Because) NYC Films

About a month before I moved to New York, I did a series of LiveJournal posts about NYC films and the lessons I believed they offered to me as a prospective New Yorker. I'm still pretty proud of those posts and I feel like they hold up.

Breakfast at Tiffany's
Taxi Driver
King Kong (1933)
Sweet Smell of Success
Rosemary's Baby
Manhattan
Big
Sex and the City
The Fisher King
Can't Stop the Music
The Goodbye Girl
The Muppets Take Manhattan
(I also did a post referencing Funny Girl, but it was the day I moved and more a "here I go" squee than a proper post.)

Having lived here nine years has, unsurprisingly, given me a new perspective. So here are my "five because" New York movies.

#5. A Very Murray Christmas (2015)

This may seem like a weird one, but I first saw this on a Christmas Eve when, for financial reasons, I was in the city rather than in Tennessee with family (don't get too sad for me -- it was just a lot cheaper to fly after the holiday, which is what I ended up doing). It perfectly encapsulated the lonely-yet-exciting vibe of being in Manhattan away from family at Christmas -- at least as I was experiencing it -- and there was nothing more emotional to me than the group rendition of "Fairytale of New York." On the other end of the emotional spectrum, of course, is "Santa Wants Some Loving" (LMAO George Clooney creeping out from behind the trees!). This is not actually a movie, I guess, but it's a new holiday favorite of mine and makes me want to spend Christmas Eve at a piano bar in Midtown.

#4. Eyes of Laura Mars (1978)

You can keep your Sex and the City, *this* is my Fabulous and Fashionable New York Movie. Faye Dunaway is a fashion photographer whose work has taken a turn for the macabre, and her photos somehow closely resemble crime photographs that she can't possibly have seen. She experiences episodes where she literally sees through someone else's eyes, instead of what's actually in front of her, and people keep dying around her. Tommy Lee Jones is her love interest, Raul Julia is her ex-husband, and Rene Auberjonois is her fabulously bitchy manager. The movie is a particularly brutal example of "Bury Your Gays," but in 1978 that wasn't as much of a trope yet (though with Someone's Watching Me coming out the same year and Cruising a couple years later, it was well on its way). And coming as it did in the late 1970s, it arrived with its own "love theme" -- by no less than Barbra Streisand! (Check it out, it's so dramatic!) I love this movie as a straight-up thriller, but I also love it as a New York movie. Iconic Manhattan locations, stark studios, creepy warehouses and credibly cramped apartment sets (except for Laura's lavish apartment, of course) make this a much more genuine look at New York than most movies set here now, even if that look is somewhat outdated.

#3. The Secret of My Success (1987)

Hang on, hear me out. Most of my own personal mythology about New York came from the 1980s, and The Secret of My Success was certainly part of that. Sure, it's a complete fantasy (not to mention basically an 80s remake of How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying), but it's also a snapshot of a particular slice of New York -- one that's part of the image of "making it big" out here. I'm not a successful CEO or hedge fund manager, but I do get to work in some of the shiny buildings like the one pictured above. I work at a desk, I have a job that actually makes use of my college degree, and I get a nice car to drive me home every evening. And there is occasionally free food and swag. It's not overwhelming success, and I don't have a ton of time to write (which is what I came here to do), but if you'd told 17-year-old me what I do every day, she would have thought it was amazing. But what does she know? ;-)

#2. The Out-of-Towners (1970)

When I'm having a bad day here, where it feels like the city is against me at every turn, I'm irresistibly reminded of this movie. It's a perfect encapsulation of a phenomenon that any real New Yorker has experienced many times. You start the day with a plan and either one little thing goes wrong or there's some piece of information you were missing, and it sends your entire day down the toilet. Like, you might as well have never left your apartment. Jack Lemmon and Sandy Dennis have one hellacious night, with misfortune piled onto misfortune, and you can trace a whole lot of it back to one or two little things they should have done differently right at the beginning. I don't really like where this movie ends up, with the couple deciding no big city job is worth this big city headache (everyone has a bad day, give it a little more of a chance than that, guys), but I've had days that feel at least a little like what they go through in the movie -- having to be late to work because the subway trains are borked, falling on the sidewalk, having to trample over trash bags because no one left a path, being pooped on by a pigeon, finding out that place you need to go to is closed on the one day you're trying to go, etc. You have not truly lived here if hasn't happened to you.

#1. The Warriors (1979)

The longest subway ride EVER. In fact, I'm fairly sure that *if* you were to take the subway from Van Cortlandt Park to Coney Island, as the characters of this film have to do, it would take longer than the running time of this film (for one thing, you'd have to change trains at least once). And that's even without the police and the other gangs dogging your every step. This movie is so, so good, and I love that -- even though it's set in Future New York, it's still unmistakably New York (side-eyes the fake NY of Escape from New York). I could cry at the diversity -- not just ethnic diversity, but all the different gangs that feel fully realized with their own backstories. It's kind of a perfect metaphor for the city itself; every gang has their own turf, their own rules. And New York isn't one big city, it's a bunch of different neighborhoods all crammed together. (just like the real NY) The movie's plot is simple, but incredibly effective and has the same basic structure of another film by the same director (Walter Hill), Southern Comfort -- our characters have to get from Point A to Point B, but it's super hard because 1) they have a serious disadvantage of some kind, and 2) there's been a major misunderstanding that puts them at odds with people they have to get through/past to get to their destination. I've always wanted to make a day of taking that subway trip. Just probably not in the middle of the night.

Five (Because) High School Movies

One of my favorite podcasts right now is Pure Cinema, where most weeks the two hosts pick a theme or genre and give their respective "five because" list -- not five favorites, not the five best, just five because. Almost every episode inspires me to make my own "five because" list, but this week I actually did it.

There are a BUNCH of super obvious choices for this that I tried to avoid -- much of the John Hughes oeuvre, all those "take a literature classic and set it in high school" movies (sorry, Clueless), and Carrie. I tried instead for some deep cuts, or at least semi-deep or underappreciated.

So here goes. My "five because" high school movies:

#5: Grease 2 (1982)

Deal with it. While you'll get no argument from me that the music in the original Grease is definitely superior, as a whole, Grease 2 is where it's at for me. I think the story is genuinely better, and oh hey, it's actually FEMINIST. It  probably made up more of the image of what I thought high school would be like than any other teen movie I saw before I was actually in high school. And while the songs aren't that great -- some terrible, others terrible-tastic -- they're still catchy and I enjoy singing along to them. The weakest parts of the movie are when it tries to connect to the original, and I sort of wish this had been its own movie and not part of the Grease-verse at all, but the Pink Ladies and T-Birds dynamics are pretty essential to the plot. Whatever else I could say about the movie, though, Stephanie Zinoni is one of my life heroes. "Yeah, I'm free every day. It's in the constitution." (Streaming on Netflix US)

#4: Splendor in the Grass (1961)

Saddest reading of a Wordsworth poem EVER. One of Natalie Wood's best performances ("I'M NOT SPOILED, MOM!"), one of Warren Beatty's best performances, and among the pantheon of great bittersweet love stories. A lot of it takes place outside of the high school -- this could just as easily be part of a mental illness/institution movie list -- but it's still firmly in the high school milieu. Weirdly, this has a connection in my brain to another high school flick of the 60s, Teenage Mother. No, wait--really! They're both movies where a whole lot of the heartache and drama could have been avoided if people weren't so hung up about sex. This is a movie about the tug between what you want and what's expected of you, and dang if I don't get choked up when Warren Beatty is trying to explain to his dad that he wants to be a rancher and not a businessman. We're told in The Breakfast Club that when we grow up, our hearts die, but I don't think that's true and this movie is a great rebuttal to that. It's not that your heart dies; it's that the pull of responsibility and traditional adult roles are almost always too strong to keep fighting against. (Available to rent on iTunes/Amazon)

#3: All Cheerleaders Die (2013)

And now for something completely different. A lot of high school movies are also horror movies. There's lots of great low-hanging fruit in the High School Hell subgenre -- Carrie, Scream, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and the movie you might think this is a ripoff of but it isn't, Jennifer's Body. All Cheerleaders Die is actually a fairly original and entertaining movie, and the horror comes as much from what these characters are willing to do to each other (in terms of high school backstabbery and revenge) as from any of the supernatural or gory stuff. It's co-directed and co-written by Lucky McKee, so if you liked May and The Woods and his episodes of Masters of Horror (particularly Sick Girl), this might be right up your alley. (Streaming on Netflix US)

#2: Pretty Maids All in a Row (1971)

An unusual mashup of teen sex comedy and murder mystery -- think American Pie meets Scream -- with Rock Hudson as a horny (and decidedly straight) football coach, Telly Savalas as an intrepid detective, James "Scotty" Doohan as his partner, Roddy McDowall as a beleaguered principal, Angie Dickinson as a sexy substitute teacher, Keenan Wynn as an inept police chief, John David Carson as a cute but awkward teenager with chronic priapism, and more absurdly beautiful women than should statistically be possible in a single high school. This movie is objectifying as all get-out, but it doesn't bother me that much considering the time it was made and the movie's other elements.  I love how audacious this movie is; the juxtaposition of genres alone is something that shouldn't work but absolutely does.

#1: Sing (1989)

High school was tough for me, as it was for nearly everyone, but it was made more tolerable by my taking part in artistic pursuits (in my case, marching band, winterguard, and madrigals). This movie is based on a real thing that is still going on in high schools in New York City -- student-run musical productions called "SING!" that typically pit classes against each other in competition -- and since seeing it in my own high school years, it's low-key one of my favorite musicals. The movie takes place at a school in Brooklyn that's facing closure in a community that's crumbling, but they want to put on one more SING! show because it's an important event not just for the school but for the community at large. There's a sweet opposite-sides-of-the-tracks romance, and several genuinely good songs (okay, "Birthday Suit" is hella cheesy, but "Romance" is lovely and all the SING! numbers are great, especially the heart-stirring "One More Time," which feels like a classic David Foster tune, and "We'll Never Say Goodbye," the greatest school song that never was). A lot of the movie is dour because these people's lives are tough, but that only reinforces the joy of the movie's last act, when the community gets together to cheer on the next generation, even against the admonition of the school board. The movie features Lorraine Bracco *just before* she was in Goodfellas, and even Patti Labelle in a minor role, but most of the rest of the cast is made up of lesser-knowns. It's hard to acquire, unfortunately, but the whole thing is on YouTube.