(Five Because) Movies That Are Completely Bonkers

The most recent Pure Cinema Podcast was about mind-meltingly bonkers movies. There are a lot of ways to go with this, but here are my "five because."

RUBBER (2010) (trailer)

Most of this movie is a classic slasher setup, except that the killer in this case is a rubber tire. That's not a euphemism. An actual rubber tire. We see it come to life, learn how to roll, and eventually learn that it can destroy things -- first by rolling over them and crushing them, then when it encounters larger objects and even humans, by psychically causing them to explode. There aren't many things I love more than when a filmmaker gets some harebrained idea and commits to it utterly and completely, and this is absolutely one of those movies. I'm not as in love with the framing device of the in-universe "audience" watching the proceedings from afar (though it does give us the line "Hey, wait! It's not the end! He's been reincarnated as a tricycle!" aka one of my favorite lines of dialogue EVER), but director Quentin Dupieux made a story about a serial killer rubber tire WAY more compelling than it has any right to be. (available to rent on Amazon)

THE BABY (1973) (trailer)

This movie only could have been made in the 1970s. A social worker begins working with "Baby" -- a physically grown male who is kept in a large crib and wears a diaper. He supposedly suffers from a developmental disorder, but we eventually learn that his mother and sisters have been doing this to him -- perversely denying him even the most basic conditioning and development. They torture him to discourage him from attempting to stand, walk and talk, keeping him in a perpetual infantile state (Baby's "dialogue" is even dubbed by an actual cooing infant - GAH). And one of his sisters (played by Messiah of Evil's Marianna Hill) occasionally sneaks into his room at night for ... you know, we're not shown exactly what, and I'm pretty thankful for that, but it doesn't take much guesswork. The social worker, it turns out, has designs of her own, and the climax, while admittedly batshit insane, actually makes sense and does a good job of tying everything together. (available to rent on Amazon)

FATEFUL FINDINGS (2012) (trailer)

A master class in what a friend of mine calls "anti-timing" (what is the exact wrong moment to cut? what is the exact wrong time to deliver a line, and the exact wrong line to deliver?), this movie is the work of Neil Breen, former Las Vegas real estate agent and architect turned auteur. In addition to producing, writing, directing and editing the film, Breen stars as Dylan, a man who is imbued with supernatural powers after finding a mysterious rock as a child and who uses his hacking skills to uncover "secret government and corporate secrets." This movie contains several "love" scenes between people who clearly don't want to touch each other, an amazing scene in which Breen's character tearfully tells his friend who's just apparently committed suicide that he can't get him out of this jam, and a climax in which a number of generic "corporate types" in power suits take their lives in various ways after having their secrets exposed (though the film never troubles itself with exactly what those secrets are). I know a lot of people don't have much patience for movies like this, made by people who are not "real filmmakers" and don't have any level of fluency in cinematic language. But I'm fascinated by people like Breen who have a dream and just go for it, not caring what anyone else thinks or even if they know what they're doing. And I kind of love getting a peek into Breen's mind and trying to piece together what he's trying to say. #NOMOREBOOKS (available to rent on YouTube)

HAUSU (1977) (trailer)

Save us, Kung-Fu! One of the best entries in the "fantasy horror" subgenre, Hausu is absolutely bazonkers and the kind of stew you'd get if you put together "Pee Wee's Playhouse," The Shining, Suspiria, The Grudge and the boat ride scene from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Director Nobuhiko Obayashi, who prior to this was best known for his TV ads (including the Charles Bronson-starring Mandom commercials), was inspired by his young daughter's descriptions of her strange dreams to create this wackadoo film about a group of girls who go to a house for the summer and who each meet their untimely demise when the house "eats" them in various and utterly insane ways (one girl is literally eaten by a piano). There are no male heroes to save the day here; the few male characters in the movie are all ineffectual and have little or no impact on the story -- though they contribute to the overall hysteria. The closest thing to a "masculine hero" in the movie gets his butt stuck in a bucket and ultimately is turned into -- I'm not kidding -- a giant, roughly man-shaped pile of bananas. BANANAS. (streaming on FilmStruck)

GOODBYE UNCLE TOM (1971) (trailer - NSFW)

(Apologies for the somewhat nondescript screenshot; Google Image search for this movie is a LANDMINE.)

The other four movies on this list are "fun" bonkers. This one is utterly outrageous in a very different way and not fun at all. Nevertheless, it's horrifyingly compelling and I suspect pretty historically accurate (the last 10 minutes or so notwithstanding). If you liked 12 Years a Slave but didn't think it went quite far enough to show the atrocities of slavery in America, check out this film and afterwards go punch a Confederate flag-waving alt-righter in the face (bonus points for screaming "BECAUSE YOU'RE WHITE" like the guy at the end of this movie). Perhaps the most bonkers thing about this movie is how it was made. The filmmakers, Franco Prosperi and Gaultiero Jacopetti, were mostly known for shockumentaries like Mondo Cane and Addio Africa, and turned their documentarists' eyes toward the American slave trade, shooting the movie as if they had gone back in time (seriously!) to the antebellum South and were just filming what was going on in front of them. Meaning that they staged (with underpaid Haitian actors) the most degrading, humiliating acts of oppression imaginable as if they were current events. From the opening scene, where a black child is fed scraps under the dinner table as if he were a dog, to a scene near the end of the film, where a young slave girl "offers herself" to one of the filmmakers (saying that she prefers white men because they're "smaller"), this movie is Off. The. Charts. And just when you think it can't get crazier, the present-day (1970s) coda pushes it right over the edge. (available to rent on Amazon and iTunes, if you dare -- be sure to get the English version)

Final Girl Film Club - The Initiation of Sarah

It's been several months since I actually participated in the Final Girl Film Club in a timely fashion. I usually either watch the movie too late (which is pretty much every month) or just can't bring myself to write something about it (Hellbound and the annoyingness of Jackson and the dearth of Chuck Norris ass-kicking depressed me to no end). But NOT THIS TIME.



Oh my gosh, you guys! I'm so enraptured with this month's pick, I can hardly express it! But I'll try.

The Initiation of Sarah was one of several "The [SOMETHING] of [SOMEONE]" movies from the 1970s. FinalGirl did a whole Awesome Movie Poster Friday post about them - The Reincarnation of Peter Proud, The Eyes of Laura Mars, The Haunting of Julia, The Possession of Joel Delaney. Whatever else these movies were about, you know from the title that SOMEONE is going to have SOMETHING happen to them. Which I guess is fairly basic for a movie plot, but it just SOUNDS EXCITING, doesn't it?

This was a made-for-TV movie with a pretty HAWESOME cast. You've got Kay Lenz, who has been on pretty much every television show ever, was in both Rich Man, Poor Man (!!) and the sequel, and has the distinction of being the first Mrs. David Cassidy. You've got Morgan Brittany, who is probably best known as Pamela Ewing's half-sister on Dallas (!!!). You've got Robert Hays of Airplane! fame ("Surely you can't be serious."). You've got Morgan Fairchild, who is ... MORGAN FLIPPING FAIRCHILD. And you've got Shelley Winters, who is just plain rules the planet with her awesomely brassy and badass self.



This is very much a 70s movie, and you can see it from the first frame. The soft lighting, the credits, appearing in a font that looks like it's right off a package of Massengill. The disco music. Every frame of this movie looks like it was cut out of an old JCPenney catalog, and I LOVE IT.



We begin on a beach at dusk. It's the last beach party of the summer and Sarah and her sister Patty are having some fun, yo! Until the guy who takes Patty off for a swim turns out to be a rapist. We then get our first glimpse that Sarah is a little different. She's a good distance from Patty and her attacker, but a few jumpy camera moves and a "STOP IT!" later and Mr. Rapist is thrown back into the water so that Patty can escape. Yes, that's right - Sarah has some telekinetic mojo.

Because the other thing this film is besides a 70s-fest and a "something of someone" movie is a ... let's just call it an homage to Brian DePalma's Carrie. Unpopular girl turns out to have powers, so you'd better not mess with her or she will set the whole school on FIRE.

Sarah and Patty leave for college. It's clear that they're quite close. It's also clear that one of them is adopted, because while mommy gushes over Patty and gives her enthusiastic advice about how to pledge a sorority, she says farewell to Sarah as if it's an afterthought. Patty is excited about rushing, because Mommy was once a member of Alpha Nu Sigma - the hottest sorority on campus - which should mean both girls have a leg up in becoming pledges. But poor adopted Sarah is worried people will go digging into her past, a past which even she knows nothing about.

The girls go to sorority row, which seems abysmally empty considering it's meant to be Rush Week. Their first stop is the Alpha Nu house, where Patty is taken to meet some of the other actives and Sarah is taken ... to the refreshment table. Just when I thought I couldn't love this movie more, suddenly Sarah has like 70% of my college experience in the span of a few minutes. I RELATE TO YOU, GURL! The Alpha Nus are a special brand of snotty bitches, and their Head Bitch in Charge is none other than Jennifer Lawrence (Morgan Fairchild).




"Stranded at the punch bowl ... branded a fool.
What will they say ... Monday at school?"

The girls then go to the Pi Epsilon Delta house, which the Alpha Nu girls have nicknamed "Pigs, Elephants, and Dogs." Yeah, it's lame, but it's still mean. They're an older house, the girls are more brainy than beauty, and they don't really do the tradition thing. Naturally, they love Sarah, and she feels a connection to them too. But more than anything, she doesn't want to be parted from her sister. Mommy, however, thinks it's time that Patty and Sarah went their own ways.

Soon it's time for the girls to find out which sororities want them, and, predictably, Patty ends up with the snooties and Sarah ends up chosen by only one sorority, the "Pigs, Elephants, and Dogs," which she calls "P.E.D." like it's a venereal disease. Jennifer and the other Alpha Nus forbid Patty to talk with any P.E.D.s. including her own sister, for the duration of pledging, leading Sarah to run off by herself and cause another strange accident. It's starting to get confusing, though. Does she actually cause these things to happen? Or does she sense that they will happen in time to save someone from getting hurt. I think we're meant to understand that she actually causes these things to happen, but a couple of times it's not clear.

Patty and Sarah move into their respective houses, and we get some generic spooky mood setting in the P.E.D. house. There's a room that's always locked that only the house mother, Mrs. Hunter, has ever gone into. Oh, and by the way, the house mother is SHELLEY WINTERS. This is ... not her finest acting moment, but she's Shelley Winters, so that's okay. She's supposedly very into the occult and has been working on a thesis on the topic for hundreds of years or whatever. She calls Sarah into her room to get to know her a bit better, and it looks like the writers meant to drop some heavy clues here that Mrs. Hunter is Sarah's biological mother. It's never resolved beyond this one scene, but I suspect it was originally meant to be and they just ran out of time or had to cut that particular subplot. In any case, Mrs. Hunter recognizes Sarah's special abilities and you can tell already that she's thinking of how to exploit them.



Sarah makes friends with her sorority sisters (and even, bizarrely, becomes their leader, even though she hasn't even been initiated into the sorority yet) and develops an almost-relationship with her cute Psych T.A., Paul. She has a standoff with the snooty Jennifer, using her powers to send her for a swim in a campus fountain, and oh honey, it is ON. Jennifer goes to Patty, pretending that she feels bad about how she treated Sarah and even hinting that she'd like to invite her to join Alpha Nu Sigma. She weasels some details out of Patty, including that she's been spending a lot of time with Paul, and Jennifer hatches her plan. It's very clearly inspired by the Carrie prank, but while it's not as iconic, it's still incredibly mean and sends Sarah into revenge mode (again like Carrie), egged on by Mrs. Hunter, who has a longstanding grudge against Alpha Nu Sigma and Jennifer's mother. The initial revenge is a bit lackluster - Sarah telepathically causes Jennifer (and inadvertently her sister Patty) to be trapped in a shower with scalding hot water pouring on them. (I will give the film points, though, for not only referencing the shower scene in Carrie but for giving an unexpected nod to women in prison flicks with the two chicks in the shower - you go, movie!)



Speaking of Carrie, though, here are some more parallels. Jennifer is quite clearly the Nancy Allen character - the leader of the mean girls who sets up the prank. Her boyfriend Scott (played by Airplane!'s Robert Hays) is a cross between the John Travolta character who helps her with the prank because he's under her sexual spell (they have some of the ugliest fake kissing I've ever SEEN, blech!) and the William Katt character who feels sympathy for her. Patty is the Amy Irving character who reluctantly participates in some (though not all) of the taunting, but is actually really nice. And Mrs. Hunter is kind of the inverse of Piper Laurie, an enabler rather than an abuser.

Everything comes to a head on the night of initiation, and here's where the film falls a bit short. It's not horrible, it's just ... I think the film takes on a bit more than it can handle given its limitations. If this were a theatrical feature and not a TV movie, they could have gone full on Suspiria with the crazy ritual stuff. As it is, it's kind of a jumbled mess. I do kind of love the jumps back and forth between the fairly innocuous Alpha Nu initiation (part of which includes feeding the blindfolded initiates peeled grapes and telling them they're eyes) and the more sinister P.E.D. ministrations (where the girls wear what can only be described as black KKK hoods - WTF?!). Mrs. Hunter wants to use Sarah to bring down the Alpha Nu house, particularly Jennifer (who becomes horribly disfigured), and restore P.E.D. to its former glory. For some reason, this involves a human sacrifice, and one of the girls (who has apparently already had blood taken from her for the ritual) is trapped-but-not-really under the table awaiting the fulfillment of this purpose. Everyone manages to escape, however, leaving Sarah to have a final showdown with Mrs. Hunter, ending with the two of them dying in a fiery flame of burning fire and leaving the viewer to think to herself "Well, that made no sense."


Um, what the--?

Even though the ending is a bit "bzuh?" I really loved this. It gets MAJOR style points, if nothing else, and there's some fairly good characterization. Nobody felt like a generic "bad guy" or "good guy." I adored Kay Lenz, and she really pulled off the girl-who's-pretty-but-so-down-on-herself-you-can't-see-it. Yet again, much like Sissy Spacek in Carrie.

Anyway, despite my misgivings about the plot and the very obvious influence of Carrie, I thought this was awesome. Would watch again.

BNAT 11 - [VINTAGE] The Candy Snatchers

The Candy Snatchers

Trailers preceding this film were The Honeymoon Killers, Mr. No Legs, and Lunch Wagon. There were some pretty awesome trailers this year.

This film reminded me of Teen Lust, if that says anything, and I think it should if you were at BNAT9. Three dumb kidnappers decide they're going to kidnap the daughter of a guy who runs a jewelry store so they can ask for precious stones as ransom payment. They take her and bury her alive, with some device so that she can breathe, but they're not yet aware of a force near their burial space that is more than they could ever have bargained for. The three-year-old special needs child in the above picture. FEAR HIM!

Seriously, the kid seems to be the only person who cares about the kidnapped girl at all. The father, who's being asked to put up diamonds as ransom, is actually her stepfather and will receive a large sum of money if she dies, which is the eventuality he is hoping for.

Most of the memorable scenes for me did not include the kidnappers or their victims. In fact, if it were up to me, I'd have made the whole film about the Fearsome Toddler and his exploits. I distinctly remember wanting to choke the life out of the Fearsome Toddler's annoying mom during the excruciatingly long scene in which she calls him (and calls him and calls him) for dinner, which I feel sets up some serious audience satisfaction with what happens to her later. There's a weird old man whose significance to the story is a mystery to me, but his hysterical laughter at the very idea of a kid who doesn't talk (i.e., our Fearsome Toddler) is both hilarious and a bit scary. But perhaps greatest of all is Fearsome Toddler's interpretation of the kidnapped girl's exhortation to call the police. He finds his policeman doll, calls a nearby store, and pulls the doll's talk string to have it say "Police! Open up!" over and over again into the receiver.

What a weird little movie. Proof that you could get any film made in the 1970s.