"Top Ten" List - #3

 3. Crank These Up to Eleven and Roll Down the Windows!

These movies were everything I wanted and I loved them. And while I can’t quite put them among the 2s, these were among my favorites. Also, this being the 1982 of horror, at least half of these were horror movies. I make no apologies.

Ambulance

Michael Bay has been doing bloated, overdone action movies for a while now and it’s pretty much his brand (not that there’s anything wrong with that), but this is genuinely the most engaging he’s been as a director since his 1990s heyday. Jake Gyllenhaal plays a life-long criminal who convinces his adoptive brother (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II), a Marine and Afghanistan war veteran who needs money to pay for his wife’s experimental cancer surgery, to join him on a heist. Things go awry, as you’d expect, and they end up stealing an ambulance with a paramedic and a cop they injured and spend the rest of the movie fleeing the police OJ-style. If you wanted to call this absurd and overblown, you wouldn’t be wrong, but it is extremely entertaining and compelling. Every time I watch movies like this, though, I have questions about whether all these characters would be *that* familiar with the city’s geography. I guess that would be part of the job if you were a cop or ambulance driver, but I’ve lived in New York 14 years and still don’t know every single nook and cranny of Manhattan, much less the other boroughs. In any case, if you miss films like THE ROCK and SPEED and other high-octane 90s action flicks, you will love this. I’m sad it didn’t do better at the box office because I could do with more like this. (Available to rent on streaming services.)

Barbarian

This was one of the most talked-about horror movies of the year, and I can’t tell you how many reaction videos I’ve seen of it. It’s a movie of great surprises and one of those movies where it’s best not to know anything going in, so I’m not even sure how much to say about it here. It really plays with your expectations throughout, perhaps especially in the beginning, where what looks like a potential nightmare situation becomes a meet-cute before the real nightmare scenario is revealed. And juuust when the scary stuff starts, we cut to something entirely different. This movie has a lot to say, obviously about #metoo but also about suburban decay. The movie’s final girl is unique in that she does everything wrong and still survives – though I would argue she does at least one thing right in playing along with Mother, which I think ends up benefitting her more than not. I liked this movie a lot, but I do wish we could start moving away from evil or scary being portrayed as a human being who just looks different, especially in ways they can't help. In every single reaction to this that I watched, all anyone could talk about with Mother was her sagging breasts, which … is something a whole lot of normal women have. Obviously the movie has a lot of sympathy for this character, even while portraying her as repulsive, but I just wish it wasn’t such an obvious go-to to be like “ewww, look at this ugly woman and her droopy tits.” I also did not really enjoy the “joke” at one character’s expense where we’ve learned that they sexually assaulted someone and then they end up being forcibly breast-fed as a narrative “punishment.” This movie gets so much right, but those things stick out. (Available on HBOMax and to rent on streaming services.)

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever

To start with, this is not quite as accomplished as the first Black Panther film. You can tell that they had plans, as soon as they started developing a sequel, to tell a particular story (with Namor) but then something awful happened and they had to change the movie to be in part about that. The Namor story and the grief over T’Challa story don’t entirely work together BUT I don’t care that much as everything is so gorgeous and rewarding to watch. The movie had me at the Marvel intro, which was edited to make every hero shot a shot of Chadwick/T’Challa. The opening sequence feels a bit rushed, but I’m glad they decided not to show T’Challa in any form, not even as a faceless body. The turns this movie takes are pretty extraordinary, and among several very strong performances, Angela Bassett is at an all-time high here. Letitia Wright has to carry a lot of this movie on her tiny shoulders, but she does it very well, especially since she could not have known when she signed to do this movie (nor could anyone else) that Shuri would be the main character. Great visuals, good storytelling, amazing costumes, incredible music, and a fitting tribute to Chadwick Boseman. (Still in theaters.)

DO REVENGE

I really loved this, but it also depressed me, having once tried to write something set in high school (during and some time after my college days). If I’d been able to get it in good enough shape to show someone back then, it might have become something, but between this movie and Euphoria, I know for certain that stories about people that age have long since passed me by and I don’t understand nearly enough about that generation to write anything meaningful about them; those are not my stories to tell. This movie has rightly been described as a new MEAN GIRLS, but wow, these girls are so much meaner! It takes place at a private school, one of those Ivy League prep schools, and the reality is incredibly heightened and the fashion a very particular flavor. DO REVENGE takes all the classic teen movie tropes and gives them a very modern twist. The revenge plot is very STRANGERS ON A TRAIN, but that’s only part of the movie. Camila Mendes is great as a character that is somehow both Regina George *and* Janis Ian. And she and Maya Hawke are incredible together as unlikely friends who become involved in each other’s drama. And the visuals are stunning -- a perfect fit for a generation that doesn't know a time that Instagram didn't exist. This is an excellent addition to the teen movie canon. (Available on Netflix.)

Fresh

This was the year of cannibalism, apparently, between this and BONES AND ALL and even a bit of the second season of CHUCKY. I see some notes of HOSTEL here as well, with the commodity element. You could even make a small film festival with this movie and all the other “rich people are awful” movies from this year alone, like TRIANGLE OF SADNESS and GLASS ONION. And while this movie is certainly not the first movie to be a rom-com/horror hybrid, I’ve never seen the romance tropes weaponized quite like this, where the movie serves partly as a cautionary tale about dating and trusting someone too much too soon. Our heroine Noa (Daisy Edgar-Jones) starts the movie very disillusioned about dating and the absolute a-holes she keeps getting paired with (I don’t blame her in the slightest, given the example we see). And when she meets Steve in the produce aisle of the grocery store, it feels like fate – who needs all these dating apps when you can meet your dream man in the most unexpected place? Noa’s friend Mollie is rightly skeptical, but it’s easy to see why Noa would fall for Steve (not just because he’s played by Sebastian Stan). You can tell something bad is about to happen, and if you’ve seen the movie’s poster, you’ll have a good idea of what it is. But the power dynamics and how manipulative Steve turns out to be are what makes this movie really stand out. It’s also another great example of ladies helping ladies, which I’m always here for. My one quibble is that incoming phone call at the end. Noa, I know you’ve been through a lot, but don’t answer that phone. (Available on Hulu.)

Hatching

Finnish body horror, hell yeah! This reminded me a lot of POSSESSION, but without all the psychosexual stuff. Also BLACK SWAN a bit, with the element of a sport/art form (gymnastics, in this case) that we associate with grace and beauty, but which can often be quite brutal. Our heroine, Tinja, is a 12-year-old reluctant gymnast whose mother is a lifestyle blogger and influencer. After a traumatic incident with a crow, Tinja rescues its(?) egg and incubates it, first under a pillow, then as it grows larger, a stuffed animal. It eventually hatches and Tinja, naming it Alli, takes increasingly horrific measures to hide it and take care of it, and over the course of the movie it gradually transforms into Tinja’s doppelganger. The family dynamics here are fascinating, especially as we see them contrasted with Tinja’s devotion to Alli (even as Alli becomes more and more terrifying). Child actors can be real hit or miss, especially in horror, but Siiri Solalinna is exquisite in the dual role of Tinja and Alli. Sophia Heikkilä is also great in the fairly thankless role of an incredibly unlikable mother, and I think this mother and Lexi’s mother from CHUCKY should get together and go bowling. (Available to rent on streaming services.)

The Northman

This movie could also be called Men, Screaming; you could seriously cut the testosterone with a chainsaw. This is based on the old Viking tale that inspired Shakespeare’s Hamlet, and while you can certainly see some familiar notes here and there, the movie sets itself apart from both of those stories. Our hero is Amleth, who as a child witnesses the murder of his father and the kidnapping of his mother, both at the hands of his uncle. He flees to avoid being killed himself and returns years later to exact his revenge, only to find out that things might not be as he has always remembered. Like Robert Eggers’s previous two movies, there’s an aggressive authenticity in this movie that makes you feel fully immersed in a very specific world. This is a very, errr, Masculine movie, but for me the women – particularly the two most significant women in the movie, played Anya Taylor-Joy and Nicole Kidman (holy moley, Nicole Kidman, y’all!) – are its secret strength. This is a great big T-bone steak of a movie, and I’m sad that having come out so early in the year it seems to have been all but forgotten in the awards-bait rush. (Available to rent on streaming services.)

Orphan: First Kill

Look, I’m not saying this is some masterpiece. Wait, yes I am. It’s a campy prequel to a campy original and I love everything about it. I love that Isabelle Fuhrman, who was an actual child in the 2009 original, is now a 25-year-old woman playing an even younger child … only not. I love the addition of Julia Stiles, playing an absolute Karen whose family came over on the Mayflower, dammit! I love that Esther is not the only one with a secret here. I love that, despite the title, this is not in fact her first kill. I love the ties to the original, like where Esther learned to do the blacklight art. And most of all, I love that the filmmakers knew exactly what kind of movie fans wanted and gave it to them. I’m not usually a fan of fanservice, at least when it comes to specifics, like plot points, character beats and especially callbacks (gah, the way some fans want to be winked at constantly is just bewildering). This is fanservice done right, where it’s exactly the tone and level of wildness that people expect from an Orphan movie, and specifics aren’t that important, as long as it’s insane. Long live Esther! I hope they do another prequel where the even older Isabelle Fuhrman plays an even younger Esther! (Available on Paramount+ and to rent on streaming services.)

Prey

This movie was such a gift. I’d seen the first two Predator movies and enjoyed them, but I’d heard enough about the later sequels and crossovers to want to steer clear. There was only so far they could take the original concept by continuing to tell stories in the present day. So deciding that the original PREDATOR was not the first time these kind of creatures hunted on Earth opened the door to a whole lot of exciting possibilities that I hope are explored in future films. But I absolutely LOVED that they went with 18th century Great Plains, where our hero is a Native American woman – a woman who has to struggle with being undervalued and underestimated because of her gender and expected role in society. (And something I love almost as much is how butthurt fragile male fans were about “Woke Predator.”) Amber Midthunder is an incredible action hero and I sincerely hope this is just the beginning of a long line of asskicking women she gets to play. And I can’t wait to see where and when the Predator is going to pop up next. Feudal Japan? Regency England (#prideandpredator)? Ancient Rome with gladiators? Gimme gimme gimme! (Available on Hulu, including a version in Comanche, which is how I would recommend watching it.)

Project Wolf Hunting

Another hit from Fantastic Fest, and where something like HUNT is clever and brilliantly structured and thought-provoking, not all movies have to be like that. Some movies can be just mindless fun. This Korean movie is part CON-AIR, part ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 and part JASON X. Set on a ship where a bunch of dangerous prisoners are being transported from Manila, Philippines to Busan, South Korea, things go pear-shaped pretty early and predictably, coming to a head when the guards find themselves in a standoff against a bunch of newly unbound prisoners looking to party. But nobody counted on having to deal with Korean Jason Voorhees (well, one person did, apparently, but spoilers). He’s just this unconscious body on one of the decks (presumably another prisoner, as I recall? Maybe incorrectly?) that has to be injected periodically with a tranquilizer. Until he wakes up and turns the movie into a full-blown splatter flick. There are perhaps too many characters and too convoluted a plot, but I didn’t care that much. This is brutal, bloody and amazing, and a great one to see with a crowd. (Not yet released.)

Scream (5)

First off, please just give these movies numbers. You don't need to be cute and clever (though 5Cream would have been deeply hilarious). I’ve been meh on the Scream sequels, even though I think they’re much more solid than most slasher sequels and a lot more care seems to go into them. I love having most of the gang back together in 2, though the constant rewrites to dodge leaks made the plot and reveals less than satisfying. Number 3 is a bit of a mess and I hate how they basically retcon all of the murderers’ motives (don’t even get me started on the assassination of Maureen Prescott), but it does have Parker Posey and that awesome Carrie Fisher cameo. The fourth one was surprisingly good and Kirby would have made a great final girl if they weren’t still determined to make this all about Sidney (I love Sidney, but damn, give that girl a break!). But the fifth one, I think, is genuinely terrific – easily the best of the sequels, though nowhere near the heights of the original. I love most of the new characters we’re introduced to, and I love how they fold in our OG trio, especially Sidney, who is nowhere near the action until Ghostface kills … *sobs* STILL NOT OVER IT). The reveal that the wake/party is in the old Macher house is INCREDIBLE, and the action climax is suitably emotional and bloody. And the commentary on toxic fandom (this movie absolutely CAME FOR a certain section of Star Wars fans) was probably my favorite part. I’m still not sure how I feel about de-aged Skeet Ulrich, and the fact that Sam is Billy's daughter creates some wonky math with the teens’ ages. But I thought this was great, and it got me actually excited about the Scream franchise for the first time in a loooong time. (Available on Paramount+ and to rent on streaming services.)

Top Gun: Maverick

It kind of boggles my mind to see this movie in the Oscar conversation, but it *is* immensely entertaining and an honest-to-goodness improvement on the original (a movie I also love). I think some of the dialogue, especially early on, is painfully bad, and aside from the obligatory topless male revue of a football game, the movie is weirdly sexless. I do love that Maverick goes to Penny’s house and they just hang out and talk in her bed, which is super cute, but the original was so horny (TONGUE!) that it feels weird for there to be nothing of that sort here. But the storytelling is first-rate. I love the device of showing us the course of the dangerous mission in a digitally animated form, so that we can follow it more easily when they have to do it for real – it reminded me of that scene in TITANIC when they show the animation of the sinking, for the exact same narrative reason). I always laugh at stories where these young’uns just can’t do what needs to be done, so we have to get the old veteran in here to show everybody up and be the one who actually saves the day. I’m glad this movie doesn’t *quite* do that and shares the glory a bit (Glen Powell’s character-arc-completing moment is especially satisfying). And while the movie might lean a *bit* too hard on the nostalgia buttons, the movie’s finest scene by a mile is the one with Iceman. It’s so good to see Kilmer and Cruise together again and that they found a way to use Kilmer and work around his difficulties. (In some theaters again; available on Paramount+ and to rent on streaming services.)

The Woman King

I don’t know why I just couldn’t bring myself to see this in a theater, but it finally came to streaming and I watched it and of course it’s remarkable. Beautifully filmed, well written, and incredibly acted, especially Viola Davis and the movie’s MVP, Lashana Lynch. I’ve loved every film I’ve seen from Gina Prince-Bythewood (all the way back to LOVE & BASKETBALL) and this was no exception. There are some questionable bits regarding historical accuracy, but I don’t know how effective a completely unvarnished story set in this world would be. And since Viola Davis’s character is fictional, I can kind of INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS it and imagine that, if she *had* existed and had that same relationship with the king, perhaps things would have been different. The battles in this movie are off the chain, and the women playing these warriors have clearly worked very hard to get into the condition they needed to be in to pull those scenes off. If I have one note, I’d say that it traffics a little too heavily in some predictable and melodramatic tropes. I found myself thinking “oh, we’re doing that?” a few times. But it’s a relatively minor quibble in what is overwhelmingly a successful piece of storytelling. (Available to rent on streaming services.)