"Top Ten" List - #1

1. My Movie Soulmates

Better than the best, transcending trifling concepts such as rank, these are the movies that meant the most to me in 2022.

The world of love wants no monsters in it.

I don’t often get into love stories, especially young love stories. I didn’t have a lot of experience with that in my own youth and young adulthood, so I felt like I didn’t relate to those stories the way others did, and it just became another way that I felt different. Which is perhaps one reason why I latched onto this particular love story because it is *about* people who are different. And not different in a cutesy “aww, we both love celery root” way – in a real can’t-exist-in-normal-society way. It’s a romantic horror movie that goes harder than any movie I’ve ever seen that’s claimed to be in that subgenre. NEAR DARK could never. TWILIGHT and its sequels *absolutely* could never. Our two lovebirds and the people like them live on the fringes of society, a reality that is subtly emphasized by the Reagan-era setting. They’re called “eaters” in the film, but we would just call them cannibals. They’re not like the cannibals you might have seen in other fiction. This isn’t the neat and tidy cannibalism of Hannibal Lecter (no Rolodex and recipe cards) and their cannibalism isn’t a symptom of some other psychosis; this is a physical, biological compulsion (well, not for Brad, but for everyone else). 

While the cannibals in this movie are kind of an underground subset of humanity, they are not a community with common values and goals. “Everyone’s got their rules,” one character tells us, and you get the impression that whenever eaters meet each other in the world, there’s a real risk that their respective rules come into conflict and someone almost always gets hurt. Maren and Lee latch onto each other not just because they’re both young and pretty (though they certainly are that) but because they share an inner struggle between the horror at what they’re capable of and the undeniable relief it brings them. A struggle that most of the other eaters we meet either never fought or have long since given up as a lost cause. This movie is poetry on every level – the cast, the cinematography, the music (“Lick It Up” is such an inspired choice), the sense of dread, and oh my, that devastating ending. (Available to rent - not cheaply - on streaming services.)

You think because l'm kind that it means I'm naive, and maybe I am.

It's strategic and necessary. This is how I fight.

Rules are overrated. And it seems like the Daniels (directors Kwan and Scheinart) are intent on breaking all of them to tell a story that, for all the multiverse trappings and butt plug-shaped trophies and hot dog fingers and hardcore parkour, is ultimately about a family trying to hold itself together against a sea of chaos. We’re introduced to the sci-fi stuff early on, first in the background on a CCTV monitor – watching Waymond hop around like a madman – and then in the elevator, when Evelyn first gets connected to the verse-jumping tech. What follows is a glorious mess that is explained to us piecemeal over the next half-hour, as Alpha-Waymond and Evelyn battle AU versions of everyone around them in an effort to defeat the multiverse villain Jobu Tupaki, the Alphaverse version of Evelyn’s daughter Joy, and the black hole she has created in the form of an everything bagel (a humorous image but a symbol of her depression). Watching all this is like drinking from the firehose of cinema (h/t Cinema Therapy), and it can be hard not to be overwhelmed by it.

But while the movie works hard to shape all this nonsense into a mostly logical construct, it doesn’t really matter if you can follow it 100% of the time. The most important part of the story is the family dynamics and the attempts to heal intergenerational trauma. Perhaps the most magical moments in the movie are in the Wong Kar-wai section – in the ‘verse where Evelyn and Waymond never married and ended up separately successful, which is styled after Wong Kar-wai’s IN THE MOOD FOR LOVE – and it carries the movie’s mission statement, which is the importance of simply being kind. But I think my favorite moment is just after Evelyn’s epiphany, when she thinks she’s fixing the problem with her daughter. She isn’t, of course, because Joy is much more than angry and disillusioned. And Evelyn ultimately does all that you can do with someone who is depressed – be with them, sit with them, listen to them, and love them unconditionally. Just be kind. (Available on Paramount+ and to rent on streaming services.)

Your friendship is more valuable than this life, brother. I’ll die with pride.

Indian cinema, at least what I know of it, just operates on another level. One of my favorite films of all time – like, all-time top ten – is 2001’s LAGAAN: ONCE UPON A TIME IN INDIA, a 4-hour underdog sports movie with song and dance numbers. And I adored Rajamouli’s two brazenly epic Baahubali movies, so I knew I’d be in for something special with RRR (RISE ROAR REVOLT).  This movie is basically historical fanfiction – the two main characters were real historical figures and the movie poses the question, “what if they were best friends and did awesome things together?”. The movie’s structure is very effective. We are introduced to our two heroes (who they are, what they can do) with two astounding set pieces, then after we show them setting about their respective tasks, they meet in arguably (and there is serious competition for this, so I don’t say it lightly) the most epic and amazing scene in the movie before we finally get the title card 40 minutes in. And the way the movie kind of stops halfway through and gives us some important backstory reminded me a lot of Baahubali, where the first half of the second movie does something similar. 

This movie operates under the maxim that it doesn’t matter if it makes sense, it just has to look cool. The set pieces are jaw-droppingly awesome and, yes, intentionally ridiculous. Like the insane, rollicking ridiculous fun of the early Pirates of the Caribbean movies, but cranked up to 11. The effects are used fairly economically – basically, if it’s something you need to look at, it looks great. If not, making it look super realistic is not a priority and there’s no reason it really should be. But the real special effect of this movie is the two leads — N.T. Rama Rao Jr. and Ram Charan Teja. There are no movie stars like this outside of India. None. Not even Tom “Imma Fly This Motorcycle Off A Cliff” Cruise. The way these two do EVERYTHING — including dance (Naatu! Naatu!, y’all) — is them going for it one billion percent. And the movie is all the better for it. This was a riot to see in a theater full of people, but I got just as jazzed seeing it at home. If anyone tries to tell you cinema is dead, you show them this defibrillator of a movie. What a time to be alive! (Available on Netflix but only in Hindi; available on Zee5 in original Telugu language.)

People have all kinds of sides to them, Mei. And some sides are messy. The point

isn’t to push the bad stuff away, it’s to make room for it, live with it.

I still cannot get over the amount of bullshit controversy there was over this movie. Some parents really need to talk to (and LISTEN TO) their children. Much like Mei’s mother in this movie (I have never been so frustrated with a fictional character in my entire life). The movie is not really about menstruation, though that is significantly mentioned. The red panda, however, is clearly a metaphor not just for periods but for puberty in general. There is also an element of women and girls being conditioned to stay quiet and demure and subsume any emotion or attitude whatsoever. And of course this is yet another story about intergenerational trauma (I need a prequel short about Ming’s adolescence and what led to Ming Kong). The story is so great, with refreshing twists on the norms of tween movies, and subtle inclusiveness – like the girl with the insulin patch and the concertgoer in the wheelchair (oh, and the very likely bi Priya). And with the main character being in eighth grade, I couldn't help but relate this movie to my own ride-or-die besties at that age.

The animation is absolutely gorgeous (if GdT’s PINOCCHIO didn’t also come out this year, this would be a shoo-in come awards season), perhaps especially the way all the food looks in this movie -- down to the flour on the uncooked dumplings. The style is still Pixar, but there are elements that set it apart, like flashes of anime and the embarrassingly accurate fanart. I also suspect Domee Shi is a fan of SCOTT PILGRIM VS. THE WORLD because I see shades of that occasionally as well. I love that the female characters look distinct from one another – sadly, a new development for Pixar. And let’s not forget the music – score by Ludwig Göransson and early 2000s boy band-ish songs by Billie Eilish and Finneas O’Connell. There was seriously not a greater, more sublime moment in a movie to me this year than the 4*Town ritual mashup. Followed by the forest scene which brought on some serious crying. My new favorite Pixar. (Available on Disney+ and to rent on other streaming services.)

F*** me, Howard!

Perfect slasher is perfect. From the opening frame with the deceptive aspect ratio to the creative editing to the final line of dialogue, which sums up the film fairly succinctly. There’s quite a bit of TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE (1974) here, down to some near identical shots, but it’s definitely its own movie. Like one of West’s previous films, HOUSE OF THE DEVIL (2009), this is a period horror film that is not only stunningly accurate to the period but also feels like a film *made* in that period. The plot is fairly simple – a small film crew goes to a farmhouse in rural Texas to shoot a porno and brutal murder ensues. All of the characters are likable (even the villains, in their own way) and I’m genuinely sad when shit starts going down. There are excellent scenes of tension – perhaps especially the scene with Maxine swimming – and the movie never loses itself in a messy, nonsensical splatterfest. It also takes its time getting to know the characters and exploring the ethics and morals of being in the porn business. And while the “Landslide” scene might seem unnecessary, it’s the calm before the storm that almost makes you forget what kind of movie you’re watching and I love that.

I don’t understand charges that this film is ageist. I think that, despite their being the villains, the movie has enormous empathy for Howard and (especially) Pearl. I actually feel happy for them when they’re finally able to, errr, reconnect. There’s a tendency to see older people as having always been old, but this movie goes to great lengths – with Pearl, at least – to show that they’re the same people inside as they were when they were much younger. And I feel like we learn enough – or can infer or extrapolate enough – about Pearl in this movie to make her standalone film feel superfluous. Fun, but unnecessary.

I adore this movie, and I think it's a new top-five for me for horror movies. I would never argue against the original TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE's place in the horror canon, and there's no doubt that this movie lifts heavily from it. But -- controversial yet brave opinion incoming -- I like this more and think it might actually be better. (Available on Showtime and to rent - not cheaply - on other streaming services.)